The World of Horror

The Loved Ones - Reviewed by Miss Twisted

Year - 2009
Runtime - 84 minutes
Written & Directed by Sean Byrne
Starring: Xavier Samuel, Robin McLeavy, John Brumpton

Its been a while since I watched an almost flawless movie, so this one has been a long time coming! If I had known how good it was going to be I would have worn a bib to catch the dribble that rolled off my chin, for I got so caught up in the film I forgot to swallow!

The characters are very stereo typical... Our coming of age boy, Brent, uses self harm and drugs as a way to numb the guilt he feels for his fathers death. Lola is the sickeningly sweet bunny boiler (or is that brain boiler?) from hell. Her father, a seemingly emotionally weak man, giving in to her every whim, but is it out of love or fear? Its hard to tell.

In a nutshell Brent turns down Lola's offer as prom date (not because he dislikes her, but because he already has a girlfriend derrrrr!) anyway, this isn't something she takes lightly and before we know it Brent wakes from a bash to the head, to discover he is tied to a chair, sitting at a dinner table. You can only sympathise as clips of memory like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre must scramble about his head. Its difficult to work out what must be the most disturbing factor for him... The room decorated for a party? The lobotomized woman they call Bright Eyes? The syringe that is injected into his voice box to stop him making any noise or the fact that Lola and her 'Daddy' are clearly enjoying this just a little too much?!?!

The next hour gives the audience everything it could possibly ask for. Suspense filled moments between the three characters. Escape attempts that have you twitching your feet for the poor guy. Several cringe-worthy 'ouchy' moments, each done very cleverly and always happening 'only just' off screen.
Several other characters are effortlessly entwined throughout the plot too, but it would be unfair to any future viewers to detail them. Their presence generally serves to lighten the mood (this film does have its perfectly placed snippets of humour) or to tie up loose ends. Their being, having little impact on the events unravelling at the Stones residence, but fruitful within the story nonetheless.

The acting was superb. Seriously, I couldn't knock a thing. Xavier Samuel quickly made me lose the initial distraction that I recognised him from one of the Twilight movies and became the fully believable victim, Brent. John Brumpton never ceases to amaze me with his acting. He plays all of his acting roles so well that I usually spend a good half an hour irritated with a characters resemblance before finally yelling at the screen "Wow! Its John Brumpton!" The bugger gets me every time and this was no exception! And as for Robin McLeavy who plays our prim and proper Lola Stone, well, she really is quite something. Not once did I question the teenage girls insanity. Her cruelty. The way she had her daddy wrapped around her little finger or even the uncomfortable incestuous vibe that you got whenever Lola and Daddy shared a moment. The acting here was incredible.
But let's not take away any limelight from the screenplay, it was almost water tight! There was one little 'coincidence' that I wouldn't normally have accepted, but given the rest of the films brilliant plot and direction, I have to sweep that little blip under the carpet.

Technically The Loved Ones was spot on too. The editing was tight, camera angles smooth, the sound fitting perfectly. Ah sound...
One thing I absolutely LOVED about The Loved Ones was the soundtrack. It did everything a films backing music should do and at times even more. The musical genre's and styles were varied, but each was as fitting to the scene as the rest.

So if this film is so awesome why have we never heard of the guy who made it? Sean Byrne?? Erm... Because this is his first feature film... What? His first feature film... His what?!?! SEAN BYRNES FIRST FEATURE FILM!!!! No friggin' way?! Seriously, until now the guy has only done short documentary films. I, for one, can't wait to see what else he turns out in the future.!

There is just one really odd factor about The Loved Ones... The vast majority of people I speak to have felt the same about it as me. Practically flawless. The reviews I have read agree too. Yet despite several awards the film was a financial failure. Its opening weekend was a flop. It seems that somebody didn't leave an adequate sum of the budget to cover promotional costs. Perhaps this also explains why its failure in its Australian homeland was not repeated as it made its way into several other countries. I think a re-release is in order...

9/10 - seriously forget what the Australian film board says, this film is gold dust. Enjoy it!